( Private )

Er, can the Ravenclaws confirm or deny whether Michael Corner has returned to your premises yet this evening?

Remedial DADA Theory? Alright George, we're in! Though I have to say that those marks say nothing about our true looks. "Troll?" They should call them "Prince Charmings!"

And interesting. I thought that Azkaban was meant to be impossible to break out of, yeah. I've only known of one other person to pull it off.

Oh Merlin's underpants. This is the most fucking hilarious thing I've seen since I hexed Pucey's hair different colours.

I've finally opened my journal again after almost a month away and well - didn't your mothers ever tell you not to take sweets from strangers? Least it saves George and I the trouble of testing them out ourselves now.

The other day someone asked me who I'd legally want to kill.

That, my friend, is a bloody daft question. Let me explain. If I want to kill someone then I want to kill them, whether it's legal or not. We're talking about the desire to do something here, not whether I'd actually do it or not. And don't, don't give me ideas.

No, Travers, no! You've got it all wrong. I'm the good-looking twin!

Er, we're identical. You daft bint.

Congratulations, George. You were the better wizard by a full point.

( Private to Me, Myself and I )

Have you ever seen two people on these and decided that they just have to hook up? For both their sakes and (in some cases, not that I'm mentioning names - Stawcett and Febbins) everyone else's? Suggest possible candidates below.

Well, last week was rather quiet by my usual standards. To those who were disappointed, I offer my regrets and promise that it won't happen again.

One thing I was responsible for, however, was the noise coming from Head Pillock Boy Warrington's room. No, not the sort of noise that usually comes from it, no doubt, but the cacophony of that Muggle record on Tuesday night. I did not intend it to be loud enough to disturb anyone other than Warrinton, and I certainly did not want to interrupt or affect anyone's OWL or NEWT preparation in any way, as I know that the majority of the school does not take my lax approach to it. I certainly did not intend for Mr. Warrington to end up in Fawcett's room, as Godric knows we really don't want that procreating.

So yes, I apologise for that. It shan't happen again, except to the people I intend it to. Hit me over the head with something, dob me in for detention, whatever. I've only gotten five so far this year, though I did have a cold for most of the second week. Harry's currently outdoing me, and George and I aren't going to lose our crown. For what it's worth, George and I are prepared to give every Ravenclaw a discount on your next order of our products and we should still make a profit, as other than the Hufflepuffs I can't imagine any house in the school less likely to take advantage of the Skiving Snackboxes.

Again, I offer my apologies to the rest of the Ravenclaws, and my condolences also to the lovely Head Girl, who had to pass the night with Warrington. Now that I'll never be able to get off my conscience.

Yes, I confessed to getting Warrington. But the other three? Bollocks to that. They can't prove anything, and besides, it will be fun watching Montague and Pucey gritting their teeth yet not being able to do anything about it. If they do want retribution, however, bring it on. I'll just up the ante. Lack of challenge makes me grow complacent and all that rot.

When you get to the point where there's no one to beat but yourself, you have to up the ante.

I therefore got a detention from Professor Flitwick. Flitwick! And I wasn't even trying this time because I actually do try to behave in his classes as I like the little dude and also, I don't want to give Mum any more trouble now that The Gittiest Git That Ever Gitted has split. But there. A detention in charms. Must say I prefer it over what Potters getting from The Pink Creature (nice one, Stebbins). At least he won't clash with me, in every possible meaning of the word.

Speaking of "clash," I wonder if my latest batch of goodwill in the Slytherin's direction has found its target yet. Bloody Higgs. I hope he realises I'm out to get him. I hope he wets his bed over it. I'm going to prolong things as much as possible to get the maximum impart. His head will do him in if what I'm planning doesn't.

To Do List:

- Test Puking Pastilles, batch #4. All the better if on unwilling subjects. Too bad Percy The Git no longer living at home. Maybe Snape The Git, if he comes by again this evening.
- Send away catalogues of products that work to potential customers. Send away catalogues of products we’re not yet sure about to the Slytherins.
- Owl threats to the Slytherins who somehow no, still not admitting it was me got a hold of these. Envelops will contain itching powder, with a special modification we’ve made so that it can’t be washed off, even with magical soap. Open them, oh please open them…
- Practice nancing Fleur walk to embarrass Bill the next time he comes around. The Ginny Monster has it down pat, oddly enough. That’s what worries me.
- Work on top secret range of products we’re making especially for any paramours of the aforementioned Ginny Monster. Flavourless, odourless and colourless too, so you won’t know when we slip them into your morning pumpkin juice. Or cereal. In fact, best to stop eating and drinking all together. You know who you are. If you hurt her we’ll…
- Stuff Malfoy into a toilet on the train. Hex doors shut.
- Add Crabbe and Goyle in there for good measure. The more the merrier, and those compartments are pretty cramped anyway, and Crabbe and Goyle aren’t exactly delicate little Cornish Pixies, are they now? I wonder how the couples who have sex in those things get on? It can’t be comfortable but would be fun to try.
- Speaking of delicate little Cornish Pixies, brainstorm ways to annoy Fawcett with Lee. Looks like it will take a bit more work than with Percy, but we’re able to rise to the challenge though Clearwater was bloody tough to phase. We’ve initiated all the other new Head Girls by pranking them, you see, and she’ll feel left out if we don’t and think we don’t love her anymore. Oh, and did I mention she looks cute with a white beard?
- Last but far from least, Ange but only if she wants to.

Name: Fred Weasley
Gender: Male
Date of birth: April 1st, 1978.
Year: Seventh
House: Gryffindor
Blood status: Pureblood

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